The Feeling of Safety Begins in the Body: A Pathway to Connection and Healing

Have you ever noticed how hard it is to connect, open up, or even just breathe deeply when you’re feeling tense or on edge? That’s not just in your head—it’s in your body. The sense of safety we perceive isn’t just an emotion; it’s a deeply physiological state, rooted in the nervous system. And when it’s missing, it can shape how we relate to ourselves and the world in profound ways.

What Does It Mean to Feel Safe in the Body?

To feel safe isn’t only the absence of danger—it’s a whole-body experience. Physiologically, safety is registered through the parasympathetic nervous system, the branch of our autonomic system responsible for "rest and digest" functions. When this system is active, heart rate slows, muscles relax, and digestion functions optimally. It’s in this calm state that we are most able to connect with others, be creative, and feel present.

But many of us live in a constant state of hypervigilance—our bodies unknowingly stuck in "fight or flight" mode. This often isn’t something we choose consciously. Past traumas, chronic stress, or early experiences of instability can leave an imprint on our physiology, locking us into a nervous system state where true safety is unfamiliar.

The Hidden Cost: Disconnection

When the body doesn't know how to feel safe, the ripple effect touches every part of life, especially social interaction, which is at the very core of being human. We might struggle to trust, to feel at ease in conversation, or to relax into intimacy. Even when we want a connection, our nervous system may be unconsciously bracing for danger.

This is why safety must start in the body. It’s not enough to tell ourselves we’re okay—we have to feel it deeply in our tissues, our breath, our heartbeat.

Rebuilding Safety: A Gentle Journey

One of the most effective ways to reestablish a felt sense of safety is through hands-on work with a trained practitioner. In this kind of setting, touch is not about fixing or forcing; it’s about meeting the body exactly where it is, with trust, patience, and compassion.

In my own practice, safety and trust are the foundations of every session. Together with each client, we move at the pace their body is ready for. Sometimes, the work involves very minimal touch—sometimes just the presence of another nervous system in the room is enough to start shifting internal states.

Becoming Awareness: The Power of Deep Relaxation

Through my program, Becoming Awareness, the primary goal is to gently build that inner sense of safety. Only from that place can true healing emerge. In deep relaxation, the parasympathetic system is activated, allowing the body to release chronic tension and uncover layers of stored emotion and sensation. These states can't be forced—they unfold naturally when the body feels safe enough to let go.

If you feel called to shift from a place of hypervigilance to one of grounded calm, if you're curious to explore what safety might feel like in your body, this may be the place to begin.

“Safety is not the absence of threat. It is the presence of connection.”

— Stephen Porges, Polyvagal Theory

Sources

Porges, Stephen W. – Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation

The core source of how safety and connection are biologically wired in the nervous system.

Dana, Deb. – The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation

Applies Polyvagal Theory to therapeutic settings, especially around creating safety.

Levine, Peter. – Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma

Explores how trauma is stored in the body and how somatic awareness can help release it.

Van der Kolk, Bessel. – The Body Keeps the Score

Explains how trauma imprints on the nervous system and shapes behavior and perception.

Nervous System Education – The Polyvagal Institute

Educational articles and resources on nervous system regulation and embodied safety.